When we feel bad in some way — in reaction to what someone else does or says — we sometimes try to avoiding feeling that bad thing by trying to get the other person to admit they were wrong. In this way, we not only get to avoid feeling some of the discomfort and pain, we get the bonus satisfaction of being ‘right.’
This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t have and set expectations for others’ behavior. Or to say that we shouldn’t discuss with others the behavior that we think is inappropriate or hurtful. But sometimes we think the only way out of the situation is to get an apology from someone else. It’s not only unrealistic to expect apologies from everyone; it can stunt our own personal growth in learning how to process uncomfortable emotions.
Instead, my own experience has shown me to learn to move emotion through our bodies and to let that energy ultimately flow outside me. Then, I can approach others without the conversation carrying the burden of satisfying our emotional stability needs, too. If the other person doesn’t apologize, I will be able to more easily move past the situation.
The saying is really true — forgiveness is more for ourselves than for others. And forgiveness starts with taking responsibility to feel our own feelings, even the uncomfortable and painful ones.